time is winding down

yeah so i was just thinking about life over the past two years... it's been ok i guess.. in these past 2 years ive been on a massive road trip from LA to Mexico to Alabama... experienced a ton of the big island. went to visit oahu at least 15 times. went to japan too. got myself a fucking awesome edjamuhcation. finished up 2 batchlor's degrees. found out i'm not a dumb ass. made a bunch of cool friends. learned that if i drink beer slowly throught the day, the next day wont give me a hangover. became a part of a national historical honors society, presented papers on shit ive written. i even got nominated and won an award for Japanese studies. havnt even recieved it yet but somehow i won. man i'm not going to miss hilo's rain. or the lack of waves... i will miss the college experience. i thought i experienced it before with all the partying and drinking and goofing around.. that is a part of the college experience, but the education and dedication to learning really is a part of school too. i think that's what i learned the most about being a non-traditional student. i associate myself mostly with non-traditional students, and i realized recently that we all shared the same story... one of lots of fun and an appreciation of life. it seems that every person that i meet who has returned to higher education after a hiatus has figured out what they truely are passionate about. for myself it is the knowledge of my culture and appreciation of other cultures as well. I used to make fun of hawaiians yelling for soverignty or hawaiian language and cultural revival. i realize now that i was wrong. i used to say that i wish that we could all become a grey race and erase all cultural and color boundries.. that would solve some problems.. but it would make things boring. the beauty of human relationships come in the differences we have between each other. In hawaii, people are generally of mixed background, like most of my friends are.. but it is what you raise your fist up and shout and say you are that makes you who you are. I believe cultural revival is a beautiful thing now. go on and stand up and learn hawaiian or portugues or whatever language you prefer.. anyway i guess what i was getting at earlier is that i think its great when people realize what their passion is... some people need school to figure it out.. other's just know. like john for example... that fucker's been into photo's since i dont know when.. at least ten year's from what i know. damn john and I have been friend's for ten years. that makes me old... we've fucked up some shit back in the day. houses destroyed, hats shit in, huge house parties.. damn those were the days. i often think back on those days and only good memories churn up. the times that i am having out here in hilo right now might be a continuation of those wonderful memories.. but i dont think they are.. i think this experience here in sleepy hilo town have turned the page and onto a new chapter for myself. maybe i'm just getting emotional and philosophical at the moment but i see myself finishing up one part of my life... getting out of shitty waiter/bartender jobs.. and moving on to a salary. fuck that thought scares me. after this big euro/NY hoorah, i'm going to be a fucking teacher. holy crap. children will look at me and say "sensei." I can say i am an expert in 2 feilds. and have accreditation. maybe people might even call me "Mr."... not that i want any of these things, but just being in type of position makes a difference at least mentally. in a place like japan where status makes you speak up or down to people, in a teaching position as a foreigner, life will put me in situations that i have never experienced from japanese culture. in japan ive always either been the nephew or son or cousin that everyone either talked down or level to.. except for when i'm getting served at a bar or restaurant, i never felt formal talk. now i will have to experience it. i might go through culture shock, even though it is my second home.
i'm not as nervous as some people might be who have never been to japan before, but I can say that i'm nervous about the life change that i'm going to go through. i'm blindly going to europe with little to no plan in most countries i plan to visit. this brings me happiness, not fear. almost nothing gets me nervous except for 1: talking in front of very large crowds, or 2: having to grow up. the fear of true adulthood makes me a little bit nervous inside. takeing on remedial jobs allows me to live the way i do and sustain a life that is exciting and fun, i can only hope that the next step will allow me to have just as much, if not more, fun that i'm having right now. I'm going to miss my friends... hawaii... warm weather all year round... local food... english speaking drunk women... walmart at 1 in the morning... cheap beer, cheap gas (compared to japan).. man now that i think of it i'll miss even writing dumb ass papers on the last day. not that i want to write a paper right now, but maybe when i dont have to do it, i'll feel inclined to sit down and write down my thoughts on paper. the grass is always greener in places where you dont piss.
I just wanted to put some thoughts down on my blog. dont know if anybody actually reads what i write, but it feels good for myself to get worries and distress off of my chest.
hope you all have a good day.
if you are in oahu (talon and john) i would love it if you guys would come out for my graduation and join me for my after party. the ceremony is on May 16th... it's around noon i think.. maybe earlier.. anyway if you dont show up for the ceremony itself, it would be nice to have some old friends out here to celebrate a new step myself at my barbeque. my mom will be in town along with denton's brother wes. and if you are still reading.. tell chad to try to get out here too.
love from raintown
shane